


Letters to Harry

by ihadthisdream0nce



Series: Letters to Harry [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Depressed Harry, Eventual Smut, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Love Letters, M/M, Pining Louis, unacceptable levels of pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-31
Updated: 2013-12-31
Packaged: 2018-01-06 20:18:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 13,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1111090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ihadthisdream0nce/pseuds/ihadthisdream0nce
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Harry disappears out of the blue, where does that leave Louis? No one would tell him anything, but after cornering Anne in the local Tesco's, the Doncaster lad decides not to give up. And the only thing he can really do is write letters: Letters to Harry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

" _Where is he?"_ Louis screamed, frantically running through the flat. He opened the door to ever room, searched every nook and cranny of the place, but failed to find a certain curly haired boy.

 

Heading back into the depths of the empty apartment, Lou went to Harry's room. It was exactly how he had found it that morning: _clean._

 

Clean, for once, did not mean picked up and tidy. It meant empty, cold, uninhabited. It was as if Harry had never existed.

 

Exhausted, frustrated, confused, and utterly terrified of the thought of the Cheshire lad being gone, Louis Tomlinson collapsed in a heap on the floor of the empty room and cried. 

 

There was no noise, he didn't sob, he didn't shake or tremor. He just lay there, silently, broken.

 

 

It was a few days before any of the members of One Direction could get Lou out of the room. They had tried everything from threatening to burn all of his Toms to calling his mother and getting her to break the door herself.

 

Niall had spent every day sitting against the locked door, singing softly to the boy on the other side. Lou would listen, wiping at the tears because no matter what song the Irish lad sang, it reminded him of Him.  Liam had banged on the door with abandon, yelling and screaming at the eldest boy's childish actions. This, unfortunately, caused many arguments between Daddy Direction and Zayn, who believed that Louis would come out in time, and that they just needed to give him space.

 

When the door finally clicked open, Niall greeted their band mate with a sad smile and wrapped his arms around Lou's broken form in a warming hug. He stiffened at the contact, but suddenly the dam broke and he was in tears again.

 

" _I don't know what I did._ " Louis whispered between sobs, trying in vain to even his erratic breathing.

 

"You didn't do anything, Harry leaving caught us all by surprise." Niall said softly, rubbing his hand comfortingly over Louis' back.

 

"Lou, Harry didn't even leave a note. Why do you think it was you?" Zayn said diplomatically, stepping towards the pair.

 

"What other reason could there be? I live with him! I should have seen this coming!"  The Doncaster  boy screamed, frantically squirming his way out of Niall's embrace in anger.

 

"Louis. Calm down. Let's get you cleaned up and fed, we can discuss this later." Liam had put in his two cents and the look on his face did not allow any arguing. Defeated, Lou turned his head towards the floor and stalked off to the bathroom to shower.

 

Looking to Niall, Liam's calm exterior cracked.

 

"What do we do? We obviously can't tell him. We promised them we wouldn't." the Wolverhampton boy fiddled with his thumbs nervously, and checked over his shoulder to make sure that Louis wasn't coming back.

 

"We comfort him and try to make him forget." Zayn said, his expression cool and collected as always, but his eyes alit with a sadness unfathomable to many. "It's all we really can do."

 


	2. Chapter 2

_Dear Haz._

 

_I hope that you're okay, wherever you are. I miss you so much, but I understand that you probably have a very good reason for breaking your promise. It's okay. You can make it up to me when you come back._

 

_Things here are weird without you. Liam and Zayn have been fighting a lot, and Niall keeps spending the night in my room because he can hear them arguing at obscene hours in the night through the walls. (No, he's not sleeping with me… I've taken to sleeping in your bed. Well, because it reminds me of you. Since mine wasn't being used, I offered it up.)_

 

_I saw your mother in the grocer yesterday, and that’s what prompted me to write you this letter. She said she couldn't tell me where you were because she had promised someone that she wouldn't, but she said that she could get this to you._

 

_Jay and the girls send their love, and they miss you as well._

 

_Love you,_

 

_Your Lou-Bear_

 

_(P.S. I wish you were here.)_

 

 

Harry could just make out the faded letters of another post-script. Obviously Lou had written something to him, but decided to erase it. Unfortunately for him, Harry had amazing eyesight and could make out every somewhat erased character.

 

_Why did you have to leave me? We were happy with the way things were, weren't we? We slept together, shared a bed, cuddled on the couch, went to the grocer together. What went wrong? What could I have done? More importantly, what can I do to get you back? I miss you like crazy Harry, and I don't think that I can live without you. I want you to be happy, and I don't want to seem selfish by sending this to you and telling you how much you being gone is hurting me, because obviously you would have to have been hurting pretty badly to have left in the first place._

 

_Harry, I'm not trying to guilt you into coming back, but I feel the need to explain the gravity of the situation you've created back home. Yes, home. Your home, my home, our home here in this silly little bachelor flat. I can't sleep at night, I cry all night and I just can't stop. The sobs are endless, and I end up choking on them and not being able to catch my breath. I've woken Niall up a fair few times because I had worked myself into a frenzy. That's why he's not on the couch.. My room is closer to yours than the living room, and this way he can make sure that I'm not suffocating._

 

_Every time that  I do get those precious hours of sleep, I think of you. You're constantly there, and I pray that you'll never leave my head because I don't know when I'll ever see you again. Right now, all I have are the memories of you and I. Even if they seem like nightmares right now, I'd rather have them and remember what you look like, than sleep peacefully and forget the most beautiful smile on earth._

 

_It's not just me having problems. Everyone is struggling. Zayn is chain smoking, Niall won't eat, and Liam isn't talking to anyone outside of interviews. He hates having to make up excuses for why you aren't there, and it's killing him. It's killing us._

 

_Come home Hazza. We need you._


	3. Chapter 3

Louis sent weekly letters to Anne after their rendezvous in the grocer. After week four without Harry, all of the emotions that the four boys were experiencing became too much. That day, their world imploded. They realized how lost they were without their youngest member.

 

It was a quiet Friday afternoon when it happened. They had just finished a radio interview announcing their hiatus. Their excuse being that Harry was experiencing some family problems and needed a break, and the rest of them were taking the opportunity to appreciate their own relatives in his absence.

 

When the four exited the building and hopped into the van, Zayn was the first to speak.

 

"Wow," he said. "It feels final now. We're no longer One Direction."

 

"Don't say that," Niall whispered angrily, shooting a sympathetic look towards Louis, who sat in the far back with his iPod headphones in his ear and stared out the window. The older boy caught his eye, and smiled weakly.

 

"Its true." Liam added. "We can't be One Direction without Harry. It's just not possible. It was fun while it lasted boys, let's try to stay friends, yeah?"

 

"Just what are you implying Liam Payne? Are you saying that you're giving up on One Direction? On your brothers? On Harry? On us?" Niall was furious, how could the most insightful and paternal member of the band want to give up after hardly even trying? "Harry will be back. He'll pull through. This hiatus isn't permanent, mate. You said it yourself."

 

Louis, having finally clued in to the fact that there was an argument going on, took out his headphones and listened sadly.

 

"That's exactly what I'm saying. Harry left us.  No note, nothing. He didn't say anything was wrong, he just left. And then, we get a phone call from out of the blue, telling us that he's-" Liam's heated words were cut off by Zayn covering the brunette's mouth with his hand.

 

"Shut the fuck up, Liam." He bit out, utterly repulsed that Liam could so easily break the trust of their friend.

 

"Telling you what?" Louis' interest was piqued, and he decided that now was the time to join the conversation. Niall looked to Zayn for help, who was equally clueless of what to do now that Liam had come so close to spilling the beans.

 

"Nothing mate, just Anne calling to see if we had seen Harry. She hasn't heard from him either." The Irish boy exhaled slowly, thinking that he had just saved the day.

 

"Bullshit." Lou screamed, making the three boys jump in their seats.

 

"What do you mean?" Zayn asked, removing his hand from Liam's mouth and praying that he wouldn't get them in any more trouble.

 

"Anne knows exactly where Harry is. And you all do too." Louis seethed with anger, so utterly frustrated with his friends. The people who he thought would protect him and care for him no matter what were the ones that were hurting him the most. "Tell me what he said when he called, Liam." the Doncaster lad addressed his former band mate directly, desperate for an answer.

 

"He didn't say anything, Lou." Liam replied stoically.

 

"Bullshit Liam, don't fucking lie to me. What did he say?" Louis was done, done with the lies, the deceit, everything. He just wanted to curl up and sleep forever. Then at least, he'd be alone with his memories of Harry.

 

"Louis, don't single him out. We all had a part in this." Zayn tried to calm the eldest boy down, but was failing miserably.

 

"Why won't anyone tell me anything?! I lived with him, I loved him! We were best friends, we were even more-" he cried out, tears finally breaking through. "I should have been the one that he called. Why didn't he call me?" He dropped his head into his hands and his body began to quake with the force of his sobs. Niall, who had stayed silent for the majority of the argument, unbuckled his seat belt and moved to sit in the back of the van so he could comfort the crying boy.

 

"He loves you, Lou." Niall whispered, rubbing his hand up and down the older boy's back. "He'll come back in time.  He'd never leave you. That's why he left. Because he promised he wouldn't leave." Louis just cried harder.

________________

 

The rest of the car ride passed silently, save for the sound of Lou's tears. Angry glances were shot between Liam, Zayn and Niall, neither of which wanted to admit that they had brought on the Doncaster lad's present condition. When they arrived back at their apartment building, Liam tried to apologize to Louis, but could not get through to him.

 

"Don't fucking speak to me, Liam. In fact, I don't want to talk to either of you." He replied, casting a furtive glance at the Bradford boy before walking away down the corridor to his apartment. Niall was quick to follow.

 

"You guys have screwed us all over. Congratulations." he said angrily, his Irish temper flaring.

 

"Fuck." Liam screamed, before punching the concrete wall to his left.

 


	4. Chapter 4

_Dear Haz,_

 

_This week has been absolutely awful. Niall and I aren't speaking with Zayn and Liam, and Liam broke his wrist after punching the wall outside of his apartment._

 

_I can't believe that you didn't call me. I can't believe that you told Liam and Zayn and Niall and not me. Why not me, Harry? Do you  not love me as much as you said you did? Was everything we shared a sadistic joke?_

 

_Everything is falling apart without you, and I don't know what to do. We've announced to the fans that we're on a temporary hiatus, and that you're experiencing some family problems at the moment._

 

_I hate lying to the fans. They've been nothing but supportive of us and our every move, and how do we repay them? We lie. I feel terrible because this isn't what I'm supposed to be doing with  my life. I'm not supposed to be lying to people and hurting them, I'm supposed to be helping them by making music and making a difference._

 

_The only good thing that's come out of this whole fiasco is the fact that Niall and I are closer than ever. We talk, watch Disney movies together, and just hang out. It's comforting to have someone be there for me, but it's awful at the same time because he's not you, and his presence just reminds me that you're not here._

 

_I miss you so much, Harry. I wish I knew where you are, but sending these letters will have to do. At least I don't feel like I've lost you completely._

 

_I'm so scared I'm going to forget you, although I know in my heart I never could. I re-watch the old video diaries when Niall leaves to go pick up Nando's, just to hear you laugh. I miss the sweet, melodic sound of your voice. I  miss that tone you get when you tell me to pick up my shoes, or when you're calling me down for a cuppa. Or how when you're excited, you talk extremely fast and end up having to repeat yourself because no one heard you the first go round. I miss everything about you, but you being away has really given me a chance to understand how much I need you, and how much I took for granted._

 

_Love you so much,_

 

_Lou_

 

_P.S. Come home soon, yeah? I love Niall to bits and pieces, but I can't cuddle with anyone but you._

 

As Harry read over the letter a second time, his hands began to shake uncontrollably. Soon, the tremors spread to the rest of his body and he began to cry. He dropped the letter and the envelope from his mother onto his bed and wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand, repeating his mantra.

 

" _I will be strong. I will not hurt Louis. That's why I'm here, why I'm doing this. I was going to break my promise when I told him I never would. I'm going to keep my promise._ "

 

Sitting down, he picked up the envelope and began to put Lou's letter back into it carefully, but not before he noticed that there was a second letter inside the paper pocket. Curious, the curly haired boy unfolded it and began to read.

 

_Harry,_

 

_I don't know why you left, or why you are where you say you are, but I hope you're getting better for Lou's sake. He's not talking to anyone but Niall, and I can't even get him to answer the door for me. Zayn has tried to call him countless times, he feels absolutely terrible, but he won't answer him either._

 

_The worst thing is that Niall seems to have taken Lou's side. I guess it's for the better, because Louis needs someone there with him to keep him stable. It just hurts, you know? Having Niall mad at me. I guess I deserve it though, I almost outed where you were in the van on the way back from our interview. Lou was pissed that we knew something that he didn’t, and I just made it worse by saying a bunch of shit that I didn't mean._

 

_I think I understand why you did it, why you left. I mean… If I had promised Niall, I would have done whatever I could to keep it. You're doing the right thing, even thought it might not seem like it to the rest of the boys._

 

_As I write this, I realize that I do understand why you left. Emotions, feelings, whatever you want to call them, can be overwhelming and hard to handle. When you make promises that you know you have to keep, and they get in the way, it's hard. I'm glad you plan on keeping your promise Harry. I wish I was as strong as you._

 

_All the best, come home soon!_

 

_Liam_

 

_P.S. I'm sorry for the shitty handwriting. It took me an hour to write this legibly because I broke my right wrist and the cast makes it difficult, so I had to use my left.. I bet you're wondering how I did it, yeah? Well, I'm embarrassed to admit that I punched a concrete wall after arguing with Louis… I'm so stupid._

 

Harry, homesick as ever, repeated the same mantra in hopes of preventing the tears welling up in his vibrant green eyes.

 

" _I will be strong, I will not hurt Louis. That's why I'm here, why I'm doing this. I was going to break my promise when I told him I never would. I'm going to keep my promise._ "

 


	5. Chapter 5

Niall was awakened by the shrill quacking of a duck. With a groan, the blonde rolled off of Harry's bed and grabbed his phone, pressing the answer call button and putting the receiver up to his ear.

 

"Hullo?" he mumbled, still half asleep.

 

 _"Niall, it's Harry."_ a strained voice sounded through the device.

 

"Harry?" Niall sat up in bed, pushing the covers off of his legs. He was much more awake now. Why was Harry calling? Why so early? He looked at his watch, _8:57_.

 

 _"I need you to do me a favour."_ Harry asked, his pleading tone painfully obvious.

 

"Sure, I guess. It depends on what it is. I'm not giving Lou a hand job since you can't be here to do it yourself, though." Niall joked, trying in vain to make light of the situation.

 

_"No-no. It's nothing like that. I'm making progress, so hopefully I'll be there to do it myself soon. Six months at the longest, they're saying. I've already been here for two and a half."_

 

"Okay then, I'm glad you're getting better Haz. What do you need me to do for you?" Niall was honestly happy for his friend, and wished that he'd come home as soon as possible.

 

 _"I need you to make things right between Louis, Zayn and Liam."_ the curly haired boy said plainly.

 

"Harry, I don't think I can do that. I mean, Lou isn't just going to forgive them. I honestly don't even know why he's not mad at me as well." The Irishman was glad that he wasn't though, otherwise Lou would be alone. Emotions can swallow you whole when you're alone.

 

 _"Niall, please. Just promise me you'll try, at least."_ Harry's voice was broken, defeated. Niall didn't want to set Harry back in his progress, so he agreed.

 

"I can't promise you anything, Haz." He started, he'd felt uncomfortable making promises since Harry had called and told him where he was. "But I'll try."

 

 _"Thank you."_ The Cheshire boy exhaled, obviously relieved.

 

"Will there be anything else, princess?" Niall joked, not wanting to feel so bogged down by the conversation.

 

 _"Yeah actually."_ Haz's tone had brightened significantly, and he continued the conversation as if the prior discussion had not even occurred. _"I'm allowed to have visitors in a few days. Would you come to visit me on Monday? That is, if you're free…"_ The younger boy trailed off.

 

"Harry, I don't know… I'd love to, but what about Lou?" Niall thought that Harry would ask Louis to be his first visitor, not himself.

 

 _"Niall, you know that he can't find out where I am. I need to get better first, and then I'll be back. We can pretend like this never even happened and I can be sure that I can keep my promise. We'll live happily ever after, and release the second album, and he'll dump Eleanor and we'll-"_ The Irishman interrupted Harry before he could finish his sentence.

 

"Are you honestly that naïve, Harry?" Niall said brutally, honestly not meaning to sound as harsh as he did. "What makes you think that Lou's just going to forget about this? You left him, willingly! After you promised him that everything would be okay, that you'd never leave him. You promised and you broke it Harry. You broke your promise to Louis. You broke him. It's been what, two and a half months, you said? Louis has cried himself to sleep for two and a half months, never getting more than three hour's sleep each night. He walks around like a zombie, dark bags under his eyes.  He can't function Harry. Not without you.

 

You think that after you've turned him into someone his mother doesn't even recognize as her own son, that he'd accept you back into his good graces with loving arms, that he'll dump his girlfriend in favour of a boy that's broken every promise he's ever made, who left him without warning or reason? Harry, I know you're the youngest of all of us, but seriously? Did you think that you could just up and leave without anyone getting hurt?" Niall hated to say it, but it was all true. Every word. Harry was behaving like a child when he should be acting like an adult. People's feelings were involved, and it was truly a life or death situation in some respects.

 

 _"Niall…"_ Harry said, sounding like he was choking back sobs.

 

"Don't Niall me, Harry Styles. You knew what you were doing, what was going to happen when you left. I understand why you did it. It was necessary and you needed to, but you could have talked to us before you left, and we would have tried to help you. It would have been painless, and easy process. But, you just had to leave with no explanation." Words were spilling out of his mouth now, and they just wouldn't stop coming. He was screaming into the phone now, so loudly that he didn't hear the sound of the door clicking open to his right.

 


	6. Chapter 6

"Will you calm the fuck down? And stop being so loud, I'm surprised you haven't woken Louis yet." Zayn said as he made his way into Harry's abandoned room. He walked towards where Niall was sitting in his boxers on the bed, clearly dumbfounded by his band mate's random appearance at such an early hour.

 

"Zayn, how the hell did you get in here?" Niall yelled, having been caught by surprise. He scrambled to keep hold of the phone and to cover himself up with the comforter.

 

" _Niall, is everything okay? What just happened_?"  Harry's frantic voice came through the cellular device.

 

"Not right now Haz. Everthing's fine. It's just Zayn. We'll continue this discussion later, because I have a feeling my attention is needed elsewhere. I'm glad you're feeling better but I have to go." and with that, the blonde pressed the end call button and set his phone down on the bedside table.

 

"What're you doing in here?" Niall asked, utterly confused.

 

"I need to talk to you." Zayn replied calmly, not letting Niall's haphazard appearance phase him in the least.

 

"Couldn't you have called? Why couldn't it wait until I was dressed, or maybe until after I've eaten?"  Ignoring the younger's protests, Zayn walked over to the bed and sat down next to Niall, pulling him into his clothed chest.

 

"I'm sorry. I've been thinking the last few days about everything that's happened recently… and it's made me realize how lucky I am to have you and the boys in my life. I mean, look at Louis. Harry just up and left with no explanation. It's hard for me to watch him go through this, because I know that even if I rarely show what I feel, I'd be worse if someone as close to me as Harry is to Louis did that to me." The Bradford boy wrapped his arms tighter around Niall and let out a deep sigh of contentment.

 

"I've acted like a bit of a git lately as well." Niall relented, he couldn't be mad at his friends forever. It was a time for them to come together, what with Harry having seemingly disappeared, not fall apart. "Forgive and forget?" He offered.

 

"No." Zayn said quietly.

 

"What?" Niall was confused, didn't he just say-

 

"Forgive, but not forget, let's treat this as a learning experience. It'll be for the better."

 

___________________

 

Louis had woken up at 9:30 that morning, haven fallen asleep around seven. He hated the nights with a passion, they were the times where he was reminded that Harry was no longer with him. He'd lay in bed for hours, crying and hugging the pillow that they had so often shared. _Why'd he have to leave?_

 

Growing annoyed of the constant noise his stomach was making, the Doncaster lad figured that it'd be a good idea to go and get food. As he walked past Harry's room, he heard muffled voices through the door. One obviously belonging to Niall, but he couldn't immediately place the other. With his curiosity getting the better of him, Lou put his ear to the door and listened to the two voices.

 

 _"What'd he want when he called?"_ The mysterious voice asked, Lou recognized it as Zayn.

 

 _"He wanted me to come and visit him on Monday, and to make everything okay between you, Liam, and Lou."_ Niall responded. Louis wondered who had called.

 

 _"Are you sure that's such a good idea? I mean, who would stay with Louis? He can't be alone right now, and He's not speaking with Liam or I at the moment."_ Zayn sounded surprised at the person's requests. Lou was just as confused as to what Zayn was doing in his and Harry's flat… and why Niall hadn't thrown him out. They were angry with each other, weren't they? Or had they made up?

 

 _"I know, it's a terrible thing. I don't want to go behind Louis' back… but someone needs to be there for him. I told him exactly what I thought of his decision though. That if he was expecting Louis accept him back with loving arms, he was naïve."_ Niall sounded upset, but the older boy was more focused on the fact that Harry had called. _Called._ He had missed the chance to hear the curly haired boy's sweet voice.

 

" _Haz…"_ It came out as a broken whisper as Lou slid down the wall, tears cascading down his cheeks.

 

On the other side of the wall, Zayn jumped as Louis made a _thunk_ sound as he sat down.

 

"What was that?" Niall asked, shifting out of his place in Zayn's lap and out of the bed. He stepped into a pair of jeans and pulled on a warm sweatshirt that he'd found on the floor.

 

"Dunno, maybe Lou's up? If he is, I'd better apologize to him." the Bradford boy followed Niall to the door and opened it for him. "After you." He said politely.

 

"Thank you, Zayn" Niall said, smiling up at him. Stepping out of the room, he heard it. That terrible, awful sound. The sound of dreams dying, hopes being crushed, lives ending. Crouching down next to the source, he pulled the older boy into his arms and rocked his quivering body back and forth soothingly. The terrible, awful sound continued. For Louis Tomlinson was crying once more.

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

It was Monday afternoon when Liam found himself grabbing his keys and his wallet, checking to make sure that all of the windows were locked and all of the lights were turned off in his apartment. He wondered vaguely how he had gotten himself into this situation, but immediately stopped thinking about it. It didn't matter how he got there, it mattered what he was going to do when he arrived where he was going.

 

Sending a quick text to Zayn, saying that he was leaving, Liam picked up the envelopes off of the stand next to the door and exited the flat. He walked swiftly down the stairs, struggling to carry everything in his left hand without dropping something. When he got to his car, he took a seat behind the wheel and pulled out of the car park smoothly.

 

He wasn't going far, but it seemed like he was traveling light years away. The drive was relatively quick, and Liam had kept the radio on so that his mind would be occupied with the noise, forcing him not to think about what he was about to do.

_______________________

 

"I thought you were going to visit _Harry_." Louis bit out sourly from his place on the sofa, where he sat in a pair of sweats and a plain v-neck shirt.

 

"Lou…" Niall said exasperatedly, sending a pleading glance towards Zayn, who was otherwise occupied with his mobile.

 

"Don't _Lou_ me, Niall. Why didn't you go and visit him? I have a fever, not cancer. I don't need a babysitter, let alone two." Sunday morning, Louis had come into Niall's room shaking and sweating profusely. When the blonde had checked his temperature, he immediately put him in an ice bath and called Zayn and Liam for help. Liam hadn't picked up, but Zayn was up and assisting Niall within minutes.

 

"You had a fever of 39 degrees, Louis. I wasn't going to leave you alone just so I could visit him. Your letter will get to him though. I promise." Niall prayed that Liam had remembered to take it, along with Zayn's letter, on his way out.

 

" _So?_ I can fend for myself. I'm twenty years old, for christ sake." Zany, annoyed with Louis' petulant attitude, spoke up.

 

"Louis. You're sick. Stop acting like a child and look at yourself. You're not fit to take care of yourself in your current state." Zayn sighed, lowering his voice so that only Lou could hear. "I'm not here to babysit you, for your information. I'm here to support Niall. He's going through a terrible time, just as much as you are. You're not the only one, Louis. You were just closer to Harry than the rest of us, so it's effecting you more. He needs someone to be there for him too."

 

Louis looked down guiltily. "I'm sorry for acting like a spoiled child, you guys." he said. Honestly, he just missed Harry. He was frustrated, confused, tired, and lonely. Niall was a wonderful caregiver, but he wasn't _Harry._ And that's what Louis needed to get better, _Harry._

 

"I'll be better."

 

"No worries, mate." Niall said happily, trying to lighten the mood and pretend that their mini argument hadn't happened.

 

"Yeah, all is forgiven." Zayn wrapped his arm around Niall's shoulder, and led him into the kitchen to speak with the Irishman privately. "We'll be back in a minute, Lou. We're going to make some popcorn. You pick out some movies and we'll have a marathon."

 

"What's up?" Niall asked once they were alone.

 

"While we were in the living room, Liam texted me saying he left for _you know where_." Zayn replied, lowering his voice a bit to ensure that they weren't overheard.

 

"Oh good. I hope everything goes well. I was a little hesitant when he said he was going…" Niall didn't know how he felt about Liam at the moment. There were a lot of unresolved conflicts between the two, as well as some unfamiliar feelings developing.

 

"I'm sure everything will be fine. Just stay positive." Zayn smiled softly and began to rummage around the cabinet to his right, looking for the popcorn.

 

"I've picked a movie, you two. Why don't I hear popcorn being created? Hurry up, Slaves! I'm starving out here!" Louis called from the other room. Niall snickered to himself and Zayn snorted.

 

"We'll be right there, Queen Lou-Lou. Hold on to your britches a moment." the Bradford boy replied as he pulled a bag from the cabinet and shoved it in the microwave.

 

"Well, we better do what he says, or it'll be off with out heads." Niall joked, bending over with a gleeful laugh that hadn't passed his lips since Harry had left.

 

Zayn smiled brightly, maybe they would be okay.

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

Liam moved like a ghost through the whitewashed hallway. He bypassed many people without sparing them a second glance, attempting to stay focused on the task at hand.

 

Talking to the woman at the front desk had been terrifying, it just made him realize that _this_ was actually happening. She had given him a set of basic directions on how to navigate the complex, and Harry's room number, in hopes of making his visit easier.

 

 _"He should be in his room, just go on up. I'll let everyone know you're here and not to disturb you two while you talk."_ she had said, before pointing out which set of stairs he should take.

 

_"Between you and me, I'm glad he's having someone visit him. He's been so lonely and looked so lost ever since he got here."_

 

When Liam reached room 165, he hesitated. He had no clue what he was supposed to say, or do. Gripping the envelopes he held in his hand, he steeled his nerves and knocked on the door.

__________________________

 

Harry glanced up from his book, startled by the sound of someone knocking on the door. Niall hadn't said whether or not he was coming, but he hadn't told anyone else about his newly acquired privilege, save for his mother. Getting up quickly, he sprung towards the door with an enthusiasm he hadn't felt in years.

 

"Niall!" Harry shouted excitedly as he opened the door, but what, or who rather, that stood behind it was nothing like he was expecting.

 

" _Liam?_ " he said, surprised.

 

"Yeah, sorry mate. I'm the one they sent, not Niall. He's at your place with Zayn taking care of Louis… So I offered to come in his place." Liam said sadly.

 

"No, no no no! It's okay. I'm sorry… that must've sounded very rude. Come on in, take a seat. I'm glad one of you guys came by!" Harry was just happy to have someone. Sure, he would have preferred Niall to come, since he wasn't in the mood for one of Liam's   
_Daddy Direction_ lectures, but having one of the lads there was definitely helping.

 

"Thanks Haz." Liam said before taking a seat on one of the plush chairs in the room. "These are for you, by the way." He handed Harry the letters and smiled brightly. "So, what's been going on with you lately? Getting any action in here..? I saw a ton of girls that looked like just your type roaming the halls…."

___________________________

 

Three hours later, visiting hours had ended and Harry and Liam had said their goodbyes. They promised one another that they'd keep in touch, and Liam vowed to send Niall and Zayn to visit as soon as they could spare the time.

 

Sitting down on his bed, Harry grabbed the letters from his bedside table and opened the first one.

 

_Harry,_

 

_You need to talk to Louis. Invite him to visiting hours, write him back, something. Anything. He's so broken and I don't know if Niall and I can do anything to help anymore._

 

_Niall, Lou, and I have made up, but your stubborn flat mate still won't talk to Liam… I guess it was because Liam's words were a lot harsher than necessary. Liam was ready to give up on One Direction. It's true. We didn't know if you'd ever come back because we still don't know why you left. We know where you are.. But we can't do anything to help you come back because we don't know why you're there in the first place._

 

_Clear your head, get better, and fix this mess._

 

_Zayn_

 

Harry couldn't help but agree with Zayn. Things needed to change, he needed to get back. _He needed Louis._ Cautiously, the Cheshire boy picked up the second envelope and saw his name written on it in Lou's familiar, messy scrawl.

 

_Dear Haz,_

 

_I hate you. I hate that you left, I hate that you call Niall, and Liam, and Zayn but not me. I hate that you never reply to my letters. I hate that your laugh echoes in my mind all the time. I hate that I'm forgetting what you look like. I hate that I can't run my fingers through your obnoxious curls whenever I feel like it. I hate that this is tearing me apart inside and I can't stop it. I hate that I can't sleep because of you. I hate that your sheets smell less and less like you each night. I hate that I can't hate you, because I love you too fucking much._

 

_Harry, I need you to come home. I can't do this anymore. Niall and Zayn are trying, but they're smothering me. I don't want to stay like this forever. Suffering from insomnia, loneliness, stress. The weight of everything is beginning to get to me and I can't take it anymore. I'm supposed to be the constantly happy one, the hyper one, there's so much pressure on my shoulders that sometimes it's hard to put up the mask. It's gotten harder with you leaving because I feel like I'm dying inside. You don't understand how hard that is to hide, Haz._

 

_I love you. I love you more that you'll ever realize. I don't care if you don't love me as much as you say you do, or if you don't love me at all. I just need you home._

 

_Come back to me, I can't live without you._

 

_Love,_

 

_Lou_

 

_P.S. I'm sorry if the ink is a tad smudged, I got tired of trying to hold back the tears._

 

Harry dropped the letter on the floor, letting his head rest in his hands. Rough, shattered sobs escaped from between his lips as he thought of the wonderful boy he left behind, so broken, so helpless. He wanted nothing more than to walk out the door and run to their shared flat and hold Louis in his arms. He wanted to whisper sweet nothings in his ear and assure him that he'd never break his promise, ever.

 

But he couldn't, because he was stuck in his whitewashed room for another two months.

 

Because he had already broken his promise.


	9. Chapter 9

A month had passed since the day Liam had come to visit. In that time, Harry had received half the amount of letters from Louis he had gotten the month before. This made the curly haired boy extremely sad, but spurred him to work extra hard during his sessions to get home quicker.

 

With only thirty days left, Harry had asked Janice, the woman at the front desk, to print him out a copy of the July calendar. He circled the 31st with a thick red marker, writing Louis's name in the middle of the box. On the 31st, he'd leave. He'd be ready, they said.

 

He felt like he could leave now, being away from Lou was hurting him more than it was helping his problem, but he knew that he was going to see this through to the end.

 

In thirty days, Harry Styles would go home.

 

_____________________________

 

"Zaaaaayyyyynnn!" Louis cackled loudly, trying to escape the brutal attack. He  pulled at the younger boy's fingers, trying desperately to get them away from his protruding ribs. "Stop tickling me! It hurts!" Gasping for air, the Doncaster lad felt like he couldn't breathe. Once Zayn realised that things weren't funny anymore, he immediately retracted his fingers and moved to help his friend.

 

"Sit up Lou! Breathe, it's okay." he said, lifting Louis' fragile body into his arms. Zayn hated the way that he could count each individual rib beneath the boy's skin. "Are you okay now?" the Bradford boy whispered sweet nothings into Lou's ear until he had caught his breath.

 

"Is everything alright?" Niall entered the flat, carrying an arm full of grocery bags towards the kitchen. "Lou, dear. You look terrible! How about I make some soup? You need to eat something, you're skin and bones." With that, the Irishman went to go start their late lunch.

 

It was true that Louis had lost an obscene amount of weight since Harry's abrupt departure. He'd run out of energy to eat, and spent more time crying in Harry's room and sleeping than he did anything else. His clothes hung off of his body, his pants could no longer sit correctly on his hips, and all of his hoodies made him look like he was five years old again.

 

It wasn't just the change in Louis' appearance that had the other three members of One Direction worried for their friend, it was his overall change in attitude as well. No longer was he the brunette the happy, bubbly, boy they recognized, but he had morphed into a sulking, quiet mess. A shell of his former self.

 

Louis no longer wrote to Harry with the same enthusiasm as he once had. He was tired of being hurt when he waited for the post for hours, only to find that Harry never replied.  He sent the curly haired boy updates on what'd been happening in his life without the One Direction press, and just mundane occurrences, like the fact that he was out of sugar or biscuits.

 

In his last letter, Lou had recanted the tale of how he and Liam had settled their differences, and had agreed to be on speaking terms again. Although the eldest boy hadn't totally forgiven Liam for lying to him and giving up so easily, he figured it would be better to focus what little energy he had on preserving what small amount of hope he had left for the love of his life returning.

 

"I think I'm going to go shower…" Lou said quietly, casting a look towards Zayn before clumsily standing up and walking away. The darker haired boy watched as his friend wobbled unsurely down the hall and disappeared into the bathroom. He waited for the sound of the water running before he stood up and went to locate Niall. They needed to do something about Louis.

______________________

 

" _It's 3am and I can't sleep at all, I wonder where you are tonight and do I ever cross your mind?_ " Lou sang in the shower as he washed his hair. _I need to get it cut_ , he mused. It was back to the length that he had it at during the _X Factor_.

 

" _What about the promise that you made, to stay with me til' your dying day? Said you'd never go away. Are they just things that people say?_ " The words echoed off of the tile walls, Louis' melodic voice breaking at how true the lyrics were. Harry had promised.

 

 _But I guess they really are just things that people say._ He mused, rinsing himself off so that he could sit in the tub and wait for the hot water to run out.

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

"Do you hear that?" Niall said, straining to listen to the sound of Louis' voice over the running water.

 

"Yeah, I hear him." Zayn affirmed, joining his friend in the kitchen. "I miss when we were together, Ni. Why'd he have to leave?" The Bradford boy, tired of keeping his calm façade, let his true feeling show.

 

"I don't know, Z. No one does. I suppose we'll find out when he comes back. In the mean time, we need to do something about Choir boy in the shower."

 

"I agree. What he's going through.. He's not healthy. Should we call Liam and have him help us look into getting him some help?" Zayn said, looking back and forth to make sure no one overheard him. Louis' wellbeing was a delicate subject.

 

"Help? Zayn.. You don't mean.. Do you?" Niall was shocked. How could he want to send Louis away, when they had already lost Harry? They didn't need to lose Lou too.

 

"I mean, do you think he can go another month like this? Singing sad country songs in the shower, not eating anything? Not smiling? Niall, I've never seen that boy without a cocky grin plastered on his face." the darker haired boy paced the kitchen as Niall fidgeted with their lunch.

 

"I don't think we should. It's a bad idea. I mean, what if we send him, and Harry finds out?" The Irishman reasoned carefully. "Zayn, Louis is strong. He'll make it through."

 

"I hope you're right. Now, enough of that. Let's get some food in the boy!" The older boy said, mood improving dramatically as they switched the topic of conversation.

____________________

 

Fourteen days later, Harry walked confidently down the corridor towards the front desk. He had received a call earlier that day saying that Janice had some mail for him, and a few housekeeping things for him to take care of.

 

"Having a nice day, Sweetheart?" The curly haired boy joked as he blatantly flirted with the secretary.

 

"Oh of course darling, it's gotten even better now that I've gotten to see your smiling face!" She threw back the words as if they were an every day occurrence. "Here's your mail. Two letters to Harry Styles. One from a "Niall" and the other from a "Lou". Also, you need to fill these out." She handed him a small clip board.

 

"What're these?" Harry asked, flipping through the small sheets of paper.

 

"Oh, just administrative things. Where your bills will go to when you leave, ex cetera." She waved her hand around her face flippantly.

 

"Okay." Harry filled out his information without a second thought and handed the clip board back to Janice. "Thank you, have a nice afternoon!" He said, smiling. The happy feeling stayed with him all the way from the reception desk to Room 165.

 

Excited, the Cheshire boy ripped into the first letter, not checking to see which one he had opened.

 

_Harry._

 

_I'm so fucking glad that you're getting out in two weeks. I mean, seventeen days left, right mate? I can't wait to see you. The brief visits that Zayn, Liam, and I have paid you haven't been enough. We all miss you like crazy. Especially Louis._

 

_Haz, we've tried everything. Intervention, force feeding, you name it. We've tried it. We can't get him to eat. He's.. Harry he's depressed and anorexic and we can't do anything about it. His clothes don't fit, he's always tired, he's not the happy Lou you remember. You need to get back here and fix this, Harry. He weighs about 48 kilos*. It's unhealthy._

 

_I don't know what's going on in his head anymore, Hazza. He won't tell any of us what's wrong._

 

_Help him before he hurts himself,_

 

_Love,_

_Niall_

 

Harry was absolutely horrified. Louis wasn’t eating? Was his absence affecting him that much? With a speed he didn't know possible, the curly haired boy grabbed the second envelope and opened it without hesitation.

 

_Dear Haz,_

 

_I don't know when you're coming back. Actually, I don't know if you'll ever come back at this point. No one tells me anything._

 

_I can't remember what you smell like, Harry. I can't smell your aftershave on the sheets anymore. It's gone. I can vaguely remember the sound of your voice, only because I re-watch our iPhone videos. But I start crying because it hurts so much and have to stop it after twenty seconds.  I can't remember the feel of your hand entwined with mine, or the feel of your muscles flexing beneath your skin as a rest my arm across your shoulders._

 

_I'm starting to forget Harry. I don't want to forget. Help me remember why I fell in love with you._

_Lou_

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

It took Harry a week to muster up the courage to do it. He didn't want to come home only to have Louis reject him, it would defeat the purpose of him leaving entirely. With a deep sigh, the curly haired boy handed a plain white envelope to Janice, his apartment address written neatly on the front.

 

"Will you send this for me?" He asked the secretary, his voice neutral.

 

"Sure thing,  Harry." She took the letter from him, her red acrylic nails brushing along the skin of his hand. "You never send mail, and with only a week left here… this must be very important!" Janice mused, sticking the thick envelope in the outgoing mail pile.

 

"It's very important." Harry said quietly, before turning around and heading back to his room.

_______________

 

Zayn, Liam,  Niall and Louis sat in the living room of the Stylinson flat in various states of dishevelment. The night before, they had had a sort of get together, complete with video games, horror movies, and tons of sugar, in celebration of Lou getting over his fever.

 

Liam, being Daddy Direction, checked his watch.

 

"The post should be here, lads. I'm going to go down and get it." And with that, he exited the apartment. The three other boys stayed in the apartment, chatting away.

 

When Liam returned five minutes later, he walked through the door with his arms absolutely filled with letters.

 

"POST!"  Niall screamed excitedly, scooting across the floor to a place directly below the older boy and giving him his best puppy face. "Can I please have my mail, LiLi?" He asked sweetly.

 

"Sure thing, I got everyone's" the Wolverhampton boy smiled. "Lets see… Me, Niall, Niall, me, Zayn, Louis, Zayn, Zayn, Zayn, Niall, me, me, and the rest is junk." He handed each pile to the designated person and sat down next to Louis on the couch, looking at him awkwardly as he hung upside down on the back of the furniture piece, his head hanging off the seat.

 

"Lou, post." Niall called, taking the eldest boy's pile of letters from Liam and smacking them down on his exposed stomach. Surprised, Louis flinched, resulting in him tumbling off of the sofa and onto the floor, his pile of letters flying everywhere.

 

"Niall!" Zayn exclaimed, shooting the Irishman a scathing look.

 

"Sorry…" he mumbled, sulking.

 

Liam looked to Louis to make sure that he had survived the fall, only to find him sitting quietly on the floor, letter in hand. "What's that?" the brunette asked, climbing off the sofa to sit next to Lou on the floor and wrap his arms around his thin shoulders.

 

"A letter." Lou said, his voice barely above a whisper. "From Harry."

_____________

 

_Lou,_

 

_I'm sorry it's taken so much for me to finally write you back. I haven't been strong enough to do it before, but now I think I am._

 

_I'm sorry I broke all of my promises, I never meant for this to happen. I will get better. I'm coming back in a week. Next Monday, I'll be home. With you._

 

_Know this, Louis. I didn't leave because of anything you did, or said, or could ever do. My reasons were entirely personal and none of this is your fault. It's mine. I wasn't strong enough and I thought I was going to break my promise. That’s when I realized I needed to fix everything._

 

_I've tried so hard, I'm coming home early. They said it'd take anywhere from six to eight months for me to get better. But it's only been four and I'm already about to leave. I did it for you, Louis. You're my inspiration._

 

_I don't know why you love me, Lou. I've destroyed you. Completely, utterly torn you apart. Ripped your heart out of your chest and thrown it on the ground. But I know why I love you. I did this because I love you so much._

 

_I love you because of the way you smile, how your eyes light up as bright as the sun. I love your stupid jokes, and how no one laughs because they're funny, but because they're so shit. I love the way that you spend an obscene amount of time on your hair, and complain that it takes me less than five seconds to do mine. I love your sense of style, and how you somehow make red jeans and a navy and white striped shirt with suspenders look absolutely amazing. I love how much energy you have at three in the morning, and how you claim that you can hold your drink but in truth you can't._

 

_I've missed you so much, Louis. Every letter you've written to me has brought me to tears, and I wish that I was there to hold you in my arms and kiss every wound I've left. I never meant for this to happen. I'm coming back stronger, and I will fix this, us._

 

_I love you, Louis. Don't forget that, ever._

 

_Harry_

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

Louis set the opened envelope on the floor, reaching wordlessly for the next one. He didn't want to think about Harry right now.

 

Ripping through the paper with ease, Lou pulled out a small slip of paper. Briefly glancing at it, he recognized it as a bill, though the sum was quite startling.

 

"Eight thousand three hundred and twenty pounds?" the eldest boy shrieked, startling his friends.

 

"What?" Liam questioned, immediately wondering why Louis would have spent so much when he had barely left the flat.

 

"There's a bill, in my hand, for eight thousand three hundred and twenty pounds!" Louis exclaimed, still not comprehending why he had received the statement in the first place.

 

"Read the address, mate. Maybe then you'll find out where it's from." Zayn advised quietly from the floor where he sat next to Niall, who was speechless. Looking down, the Doncaster lad scoured the typed page, looking for any information.

 

"Oh! Here it says-" Lou started, but Niall, having snapped back to life, jumped on the older boy and wrestled the paper out of his hands.

 

"NOOOOO!!!" the blonde screamed, running into the kitchen with both the envelop and bill in hand. "ZAYN, LIAM. Get your arses in here! NOW!" He demanded, trying to catch his breath as he held himself up with the refrigerator.

 

Sharing a quick glance, then looking down at where Louis sat, stunned into silence on the floor, they followed after the crazy Irishman.

_________________

 

"Niall…" Zayn said cautiously, approaching the petite blonde.

 

"What the hell, mate?" Liam inquired, extremely confused.

 

"You ATTACKED Louis!" the Bradford boy added, "Why would you do that?"

 

"BECAUSE!" Niall flailed, nervous under the continuous scrutiny from his two friends. "Because this is a bill for Harry."

 

Liam's jaw dropped in understanding, and Zayn's eyes bulged slightly.

 

"Oh my God, he just had to send the bill to the apartment where Lou would find it, didn't he? He couldn't have sent it to his mum's, or to mine or Zayn's or yours?" Daddy Direction hung his head in disappointment at the youngest member of the band, if they were one anymore.

 

"Yeah, well either he filled out the billing information without thinking, or the people at North Memorial DAR Centre are daft beyond comprehensibility." Zayn added, obviously annoyed.

 

"I'm leaning towards the first one, Z. You don't pay almost eight and a half thousand pounds for someone to file your billing incorrectly." Liam reasoned, wanting to believe that Harry had chosen the best place possible to recover.

 

"Well, we can ask him when he comes back." Niall added, mood brightening substantially. The welcome smiles of the three boys standing in the kitchen lit up the room.

______________

 

Louis smiled  as well, grabbing his laptop and running to his room. He'd vowed to find Harry, and now he had somewhere to start.

 

The rest of the evening was filled with searching the internet for information on North Memorial DAR Centre, which Louis had discovered stood for "Depression and Addiction Rehabilitation Centre."

 

He tried as hard as he could to think of a plausible reason for Harry to have enrolled himself in the program, and had narrowed it down to three: Drinking, Drugs, or Depression.

 

The drinking. Louis knew that Harry went out and got shitfaced at the clubs… but they all did. So that wasn’t it. Harry wasn't an alcoholic, he was a social drinker. He didn't have a problem with knowing when to stop.

 

Drugs? No. Harry had never touched drugs. Ever. Lou knew for a fact, because they had talked about it when they decided to live together. No drugs in the flat. If management found out that they had even smoked weed, they said that they'd drop them from the label. Harry had slept naked in Lou's room most nights, and the Doncaster boy liked to think that with all the hours he spent admiring his sleeping form, he would have noticed track marks on his arms or legs.

 

So that left depression. Was Harry suicidal? Had Louis done something to provoke the boy's unstable thoughts? The possibilities were endless. The Haz Lou knew was happy and energetic, not lethargic and sad… the older boy thought he would have noticed the warning signs, but when he analyzed the weeks before Curly's abrupt departure, he remembered nothing but broad smiles and laughs from the boy.

 

Louis had to get to the bottom of the Mystery of Harry Styles, Games in the DARC, as he had affectionately named his valiant plight.  It was past  midnight when Lou finally shut the lid of his laptop, stowing it under Harry's bed for the morning. He'd need to print out the directions before he left. He was going to see his Hazza.

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

Harry had just stepped out of the shower when he heard someone knocking on his door. He wasn't expecting any visitors, because he was leaving the treatment centre in three days. _Who could it be?_ The curly haired boy wondered to himself, wrapping a towel around his waist and walking towards the entrance to his room.

 

"Hello?" Harry asked as he opened the door, not knowing what to expect on the other side. Unfortunately, he was met with a slap in the face. Literally.

 

"What the fuck?" the young boy exclaimed, bringing both hands up to his stinging cheek and completely forgetting about his towel.

 

"How could you, Harry? You broke your promise!" the person at the door half whispered brokenly. Looking up to see who it was, Harry's heart broke.

 

"Louis," he said, tears threatening to fall from his bright green eyes. "I've missed you so much!"

 

"No. Don't you try that with me. You're not going to make me forget with a few sweet words, you broke your promise, you broke me." Lou's eyes narrowed, examining the boy closely.

 

"Please Lou, I love you! Let me explain…" Harry pleaded, he didn't want to lose the one person he loved more than anything in the world. He couldn't afford to. He couldn’t live without Louis, without loving him. He'd tried… and look where that had gotten him.

 

"Well, I've got until visiting hours are over, so I'd hop on that if I were you." Lou sat himself on the floor, shifting his legs so that they were folded under him and waited patiently.

 

"Umm… Louis? If you haven't noticed, I'm kind of naked. Can I change first?"  Harry asked, slightly uncomfortable at being the only one in the room unclothed.

 

"Haz, it's nothing that I haven't seen before. Just, talk while you're dressing." the Doncaster lad reasoned, bringing to light the fact that he and Harry had history. Nodding, the younger boy proceeded to pick up a pile of clothes and

 

"It started around when you and Eleanor got together… I guess," He started, pulling on his boxers. "Since before _the X Factor_ I had been struggling with my sexuality, but I hadn't really come to terms with it until then. I didn't have to worry about it. You weren't dating anyone. I wasn't jealous because I had no one to be jealous of.

 

"But when Eleanor came into the picture, everything fell apart. You didn't have time for me anymore. She was always around, cuddling in your arms, kissing you, the sounds from your bedroom kept me up at night. I wasn't eating, I wasn't sleeping. I wasn’t... happy.I missed you, and I wanted things to go back to the way they were before Eleanor. That’s… when I turned to cutting." Louis gasped, no longer able to sit silently without crying.

 

"I knew… I knew it was my fault. That’s why you left me… because I pushed you away." The older boy cried, hanging his head in shame as he sobbed.

 

"NO! Lou-bear… none of this is your fault." Harry sat down next to Louis' shaking form and wrapped his arms around him, pulling him into his lap. "None of this is your fault… It's mine. I should have sat you down and talked to you about it. It's okay." he whispered in the other's ear, kissing his smooth cheek softly. "Shhh.. Lou I love you. Calm down." Harry began to rock them back and forth, then continued his story once Louis had calmed down.

 

"Well, that went on for a while… and eventually got so bad that I was thinking about ending it all. Because, I mean, what's life without you? If I can't have the one thing that I need, why even try anymore?" at this, Harry began to tear up as well, and both of the boys sat crying on the floor. "I was ready to do it. I had the pills set out on the counter, lined up in a nice straight row. I thought, _Hey, It'll be like going to sleep and just not waking up._ But then, I looked down, and saw your toothbrush next to mine in the cup, and saw your shampoo, conditioner, and body wash in the shower caddy, and one of your stupid Toms behind the toilet, and I remembered the promise that I made you.

 

"When Aiden got eliminated from the _X Factor_ , you came into the room, crying, and begged me to promise you that I'd never leave you. I promised. I promised that no matter what I would never, ever, under any circumstances, leave you alone. And I kept that promise, Louis. I didn't go through with it. I got help, I got better, so that I could stay with you and never break my promise. That’s why I left. I was just keeping my promise." Harry was now sobbing, as was Louis. They held on to each other for support, drawing strength from one another. Strength to forgive, strength to grow, strength to love, strength to move on.

 


	14. Chapter 14

Louis scampered frantically around the apartment, trying to ensure that the place was not only clean, but he had grabbed everything he needed for the car ride. His shoes, keys, wallet, et cetera, nestled deep into the pockets of his trousers. Niall and Liam stood watching, gleeful smirks pasted on their faces.

 

"Goodbye you guys! I'm off!" The brunette called, as he ran out the door.

 

"Bye Lou!" Niall said, waving theatrically as the door closed.

 

"Where do you think he's off to in such a hurry? Today's the day that Harry gets back.. I thought he would be a bit more, subdued… for lack of a better word. His mood has improved drastically since the bill fiasco.." Liam asked the blonde, wrapping his arm around the younger boy's waist and leading him towards the couch to sit down.

 

"Dunno, maybe he's going to Eleanor's? He hasn't gone in a while." Niall observed, nuzzling into Liam's neck like a kitten.

 

"Ni, where have you been? They broke it off when Harry left! El couldn't deal with him in such a state… it was a right brutal thing to do to him though, kicking him while he was down." The Wolverhampton boy smiled sadly at Niall's naivety, kissing his nose softly.

 

"Why didn't he tell me? Does Zayn know?" The younger boy was curious now, and began to bombard Liam with questions that he certainly did not have the answers to.

 

"I don't know, Niall.  Maybe he wasn’t ready? Maybe he was a little preoccupied with the love of his life disappearing into thin air." He honestly didn't know.

 

"Oh… Wait! What? Did you just call  Harry the love of Louis' life?" Niall had finally caught on.

 

"Yeah, I mean, haven't you seen the way they look at each other? The way that they gravitate towards one another, mirror positions, get antsy when they aren't together. Did you see what Lou was like when Harry left? That’s love, right there. He was so shattered, so broken… Nothing but love could cause that type of pain." Liam said forlornly, glancing at his crush from the corner of his eye. He'd give anything to be able to be straight with Niall, telling him how he really felt about their _friendship_.

 

"I guess.. I think I've been a little bit preoccupied myself, lately." the Irishman whispered, slowly kissing a trail from Liam's shoulder to the underside of his jaw until he was centimeters away from his puffy red lips.

 

"Niall," the older boy whispered, not daring to trust his voice at full volume. "What're you-" He was cut off by the younger boy's pillowy lips colliding with his own.

 

Their kiss, not heated, but passionate, not soft, but still feather light, was the perfect balance of everything. They didn't care if it was wrong or right, it fit. They fit. Together. The way their lips melded into one, the way Niall's petite frame fit perfectly in Liam's strong arms. Everything was right in the world. Until Zayn casually walked through the door of the Stylinson flat.

 

"Hey guys? Who's going to pick up Harry? I mean, he gets out today-" Zayn stopped mid-sentence as he noticed Niall straddling Liam's lap in a very inappropriate manner, cheeks flushed and lips puffy. "Uh… Is there something you two want to tell me?" He asked, voice somewhat unsure.

_________________________

 

"HAZ! Are you sure you've got all of your things?" Lou yelled into the room, carrying half of the younger boy's bags. "We've got to get home before the boys start to wonder where I am!"

 

"I'm coming! Just let me do a once over of the room, and we can go and sign me out." He said, sending the boy he loved a bright smile in return. Scanning the room quickly, for Lou's sake, he picked up his other bags and exited the room.

 

The walk down the bright white hallway was weird for both of the boys. Harry knew that he would never see them again, nor the people he met in passing. Louis didn't dare think that far down the line, proclaiming that it'd be better to be happy with what he had in the present, rather than what could possibly be in the future.

 

Harry said a tearful goodbye to Janice at the front desk, and signed himself out, permanently.

 

"Are you ready, Hazza?" Louis asked, steering the Cheshire boy towards his car. He grabbed the luggage that Harry was holding and put it in the trunk, then added what he had carried.

 

Harry took one last look around at North  Memorial Depression and Addiction Rehabilitation Centre and smiled inwardly. _Goodbye now,_ he thought, reminiscing about the time he had spent there, _I hope I'll never be back, but it was fun while it lasted._

 

"Haz?" Lou asked again, his voice strained this time, concerned.

 

"Yeah, I'm fine." It had taken a moment for Harry to snap out of his revere.

 

"Are you ready?" The Doncaster lad questioned, pulling the passenger side door open for him.

 

"Yeah. I'm ready to go home. Let's go see the boys." Louis stared at Harry for a few moments, absolutely stunned by the beauty of his smile.

 

"Okay." He replied, turning the key in the ignition and pulling out of the parking lot.

 

 


	15. Chapter 15

Niall froze, slowly disconnecting his lips from Liam's. The blonde was scared, how would Zayn take them getting together? Were they even together? Niall knew he loved Liam more than anything in the world, but did the older boy feel the same?

 

"Zayn..." Liam said, gripping Niall's hips and pulling him close. "You know what you saw, is this going to be a problem?" he asked, slightly annoyed that his fantasy was cut short.

 

"No, mate. Liam, you're like family to me, you both are. I'm not going to let who you fuck get in the way with that."  the Bradford boy reasoned, taking a seat next to the couple on the sofa. "On another note, who is going to pick up Harry? Didn't you guys remember? He gets out today… maybe you two were too busy shoving your tongues down each other's throats to notice…" Zayn joked, smiling brightly.

 

"Uh.. Niall? How're we going to do this? Should the four of us all pile into my car and we'll pick him up?" Liam offered, thinking deeply.

 

"It'd just be the three of us, remember? Lou left about two hours ago…" the Irish boy replied, aiming a curious glance at the closed door. "Wait.. Where could he have gone off to? He knows that Harry is coming home today.." The trio sat in a state of confusion, each wondering the same thing.

 

_Where was Louis?_

_____________________________

 

Ten minutes away from the Stylinson flat, Harry and Louis sat at a red light, singing their lungs out to Taylor Swift with the car windows rolled down.

 

" _Cause, our song is the slamming screen door, sneaking out late, tapping on  his window.._ " Louis belted as the light turned green, pressing the gas pedal with his Tom encased foot.

 

" _When we're on the phone and he talks real slow, 'cause it's late and his mama don't know."_ Harry sung the next few lines, his rough, sexy voice making Lou shiver.

 

" _Our song is the way he laughs, the first date 'Man, I didn't kiss him, and I should have._ " the Doncaster boy took his eyes off of the road for a second, smiling at his Curly.

 

" _And when I got home, for I said amen, asking God if he could play it again_." the younger boy ended the song, looking at Louis. He was glad to be home.

 

They drove the rest of the way to the flat in comfortable silence, and when they arrived, Louis got out first, walking around the car to open Harry's door for him.

 

"Leave your stuff in the car, we'll get it later." The older boy kissed Harry's cheek, wrapping his arm around his waist and leading him up the stairs.

 

Harry stepped into the flat he had shared with Louis with a smile on his face, happy to be home.

 

"I'm glad you're here, Haz." Lou whispered softly, smiling at the slightly taller boy. He had missed having Harry around, and was glad to finally have the love of his life safe and sound in their home.

 

"I'm glad to be back, Lou-bear. I missed you so much." Harry wrapped his arms around the older boy and pulled him into a warm embrace, nuzzling into the space where his collar bone met the base of his neck. Louis moaned at the contact.

 

"I don't remember it taking that little to get you going, Lou." the Cheshire boy kissed his way up Louis' neck, nipping the skin softly along the way.

 

"I haven't d-done a-anything since you-you left. Was waiting for- UUHN!" Louis moaned as Harry slammed him against the wall, placing his knee between the older boy's leg and grinding into his crotch.

 

"You were waiting for me?" Harry panted, pressing his body against Lou so that there was no space between them. "That's an awful long time to go without- touching yourself." Curly whispered seductively in Louis' ear, nibbling on it and eliciting another moan from the shorter boy, who wrapped his legs around Harry's thin waist.

 

"It's always been you, Haz. Only you." the Doncaster lad said, slightly out of breath, as Harry continued to nibble, lick, and caress every inch of exposed skin.

 

The two boys were two caught up in one another to notice the muffled sounds coming from the kitchen.

_______________________

 

Niall was the first one to hear sounds in the apartment, but when he voiced his suspicious to Zayn and Liam, they were brushed off.

 

"I swear! I heard the door open and close! Louis is home! Shouldn't we go see where he was?" The blonde exclaimed, gesticulating wildly.

 

Liam shook his head. "You were probably imagining something, Ni. And if Louis was home, he would have called out to us. Plus, he's a grown man, not a child. He can come and go from his own flat as he pleases."

 

Zayn sighed dramatically. "If you're that worried about it, I'll go out into the living room and see if anyone is there." he said, exiting the kitchen.

 

Niall and Liam waited in suspense as they waited for the Bradford boy to return. Suddenly, they heard a loud _thunk_ and the sound of Zayn screaming.

 

"Are you serious? Twice in three hours?! Why do I always walk in on people making out?" Zayn whined, and Liam and Niall came into the room to see what all of the commotion was about.

 

They weren't really expecting to see Harry and Louis in a tangled mess of limbs, half naked, on the floor.


	16. Chapter 16

"So, is this a permanent thing?" Liam asked, shifting his gaze between Harry and Louis. The pair sat, now fully clothed, on the couch before their band mates, faces flushed and expressions uncomfortable.

 

"Yes." They both answered at the same time, smiling at each other.

 

"Okay then, assuming you've already had your talk, and we already know what went on and why Harry left, we're going to leave you two love birds alone and go tell Simon that One Direction is back." Niall said, standing up and tugging on both Zayn and Liam's hands.

 

"Okay…" Harry replied, unsure of what they were really going to do. As soon as the trio closed the door behind them on their way out of the apartment, Louis threw himself into the younger boy's lap and hugged him tightly.

 

"Now, how about we pick up where we left off?" He whispered seductively, trailing his fingers down Harry's chest and letting his hand come to rest on his crotch.

______________

 

Niall and Liam were sitting in the elder boy's apartment, waiting for the other to say something.

 

"Don't you think that they're rushing into things?" Liam spoke first, breaking the oppressive silence. His voice was a welcome sound do Niall's ears.

 

"Honestly?" The blonde questioned, continuing when his boyfriend nodded. "I saw it coming."

 

"What?!" Liam exclaimed, jumping a bit in surprise.

 

"Did you not notice the way that Harry looked at Louis, before he left? Or the way that Louis stopped eating, and would tear up at the mention of his name? What about the way that when Harry called, the first words out of his mouth were always 'how's Lou?' Please, don't tell me that you were oblivious to the signs that were so obvious?" Niall's voice was slow, as if explaining something complex to a child.

 

"I was a little preoccupied, Niall. At that point in time, I was pining away hopelessly at a certain blonde Irishman..." Liam replied teasingly, reaching across the table and taking Niall's hand in his own, caressing the back of it with his thumb.

 

"I love you." the blonde whispered, feeling that speaking any louder would ruin their moment.

 

"I love you too." the Wolverhampton boy smiled widely, shifting slightly and closing the gap between them, bringing their lips together in a perfect kiss.

____________________

 

Back in the Stylinson flat, Harry had Louis pinned to his bed, their legs tangled together, sheets and clothes strewn on the floor carelessly.

 

The older boy relished the feel of Haz's skin on his own, the way that his legs fit perfectly around the younger's slim hips, the way that he got gooseflesh whenever those long, skilled fingers caressed his skin.

 

Harry kissed Louis's lips softly, lingering afterwards and looking into the boy's deep blue eyes. "Are you sure you want to do this?" He asked, he didn't want to do anything that Lou wasn't sure about. He wanted this, their real first time together, to be special.

 

"Harry.." Louis moaned, grinding his hips into Harry's, "I've waited four months to fuck you, I didn't even get myself off. Before you left, we got off together almost every night. You can't just  work me up into this state and expect me not to want to fuck." The older boy had then arranged his legs in a good position, and flipped them so that he was straddling Haz's hips.

 

"Lou…" Harry sighed as Louis proceeded to rub their erections together.

 

"Shhhh.. Don't talk" Lou whispered seductively in the younger boy's ear. "Just feel." The Doncaster lad kissed a trail from his ear down his chest, stopping to lick Harry's nipples. Taking each into his mouth, he nibbled softly, making Harry moan with pleasure. Lou's gaze flickered to his face, and he was spurred on by the Cheshire boy's reaction to his ministrations.

 

Smiling, the older boy licked down the middle of Harry's toned chest, dipping his tongue in to his navel and swirling it around. Haz's hips bucked up, and his hands fisted the mattress in vain. He wanted more.

 

"You like that?" Lou teased, taking his fingers and tracing them down either side of Harry's torso until he reached his hips, where he grabbed them securely. "You'll love this." He smiled, his voice barely above a whisper, as he leaned down and took the younger boy's erection into his mouth.

 

Harry moaned as the head hit the back of Lou's throat, and was reduced to whimpers and incomprehensible mumbles as the older boy  began to bob his head.

 

"Lou.. Stop." Harry pleaded, feeling that familiar tickling sensation in the pit of his stomach. "I'm about to…" He trailed off as Lou lifted off of him, leaving his erection wet with a mix of saliva and pre-come, and smiled brightly, lips puffy and wet. Taking the younger boy's hand in his own, he brought two fingers up to his swollen lips and licked them seductively. Once they were sufficiently covered, he guided Harry's hand towards his entrance.

 

Harry, finally catching up with Lou's plans, took over and applied pressure on the older boy's entrance. He teased the puckered flesh carefully, trying not to hurt his lover. When his slim fingers were no longer met with resistance, they slipped in with ease.

 

Louis, unaccustomed to the intrusion, felt a little weird feeling Haz's fingers inside of him until he touched that spot.

 

"Harry!" the older boy screamed in pleasure, bucking his hips so that Harry could brush that spot again. He wanted Harry inside of him and couldn't wait any longer.

 

Confident that he was loosened enough, Lou pulled away from the younger boy's hand and began to position himself above his stiff member. He gave it one last gentle tug, eliciting a moan from Harry, and pressed the head into his entrance. The curly haired boy groaned with pleasure as Lou's tight walls hugged his sensitive flesh, rendering him incapable of coherent speech.

 

When Harry was all the way in, Louis paused briefly to catch his breath, unaware that sex would be such a workout. He nodded to Harry, signaling to the younger boy that he was ready for him to move. Grabbing hold of Louis' hips, Harry began to move in and out slowly and Lou met every thrust with enthusiasm.

 

The pair moved together as one unit, in complete sync. They fit perfectly, Louis' hands planted on Harry's chest for support, Harry's clinging desperately to Lou's hips so that he didn't lose control. 

 

When Louis threw his head back as he climaxed, Harry really understood why he was in love with the older boy. The moonlight illuminated the pleasured look etched into his face, making his skin glow as if he were a creature from another world. He looked so gorgeous riding Harry, and the younger boy knew that's where he was meant to be for the rest of his life.

 

He'd never break his promise, he'd never leave Louis' side ever again.


End file.
